Inner Thoughts
by kittykat2892
Summary: Fenris reflects upon Hawke, and how she has changed since their first meeting. SPOILERS to the beginning of Act III. F!Rogue Hawke x Fenris


_(A/N: This is from Fenris' point of view about my rogue, Korzara Hawke. He is romanced, despite Korzara's siding with mages in the end. I have tried to keep him in-character, while also showing his changing personality due to his involvement with Hawke. This does contain spoilers up to the beginning of the third act of the game. As for why I have so many one-shots going up recently, it's because I have about 70 or 80 pages of Dragon Age one-shots of varying characters and origins that I've written in the past. I'm simply uploading the "better" ones while working on another of my stories.)_

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age. That should be obvious, we're on _Fanfiction_.net.

_**~ Inner Thoughts ~**_

What is her secret? Why is she never scared? Korzara Hawke. A wonder among human-kind, and even among my kind...

When I first met her, she was covered in her enemies' still-warm blood. As I explained to her who I was, the dark-haired enchantress joked and smiled as if we were good friends. She willingly helped me, and allowed me to join her little troupe. Granted, I have to ally myself with mages, but Korzara Hakwe is a strong ally - a strong woman.

I have never seen Hawke's jokester facade break. Every once in awhile, she's genuinely worried or kind to one of the many people that we help throughout the days in Kirkwall. I've only seen her angry once, when we met with the magistrate's son, Kelder. He would not face his own depravities, and this infuriated Korzara. She slew him in cold-hearted anger. I visited her that night, and she was her normal self again.

I only knew how badly it upset her when she disappeared long enough for me to question Bodahn about her demeanor when she came home. The vases, furniture and paintings had no chance against her wrath, from what Bodahn explained to me.

Korzara was always so worried for her sister, Bethany. She explained to me one night at the Hanged Man while particulary drunk (she had unwittingly challenged Varric and Isabela to a drinking game) that she and Carver had spent their whole childhood and adolescence making sure their sister's secret was safe from the Templars in Lothering. I was lucky to hear some of the childhood stories Korzara told me that night, and I cherish their memories though they don't belong to me. Bethany deserves to be remembered as she was, not as she is now, for she is among the few strong mages I have met.

It was a hard decision, leaving Bethany behind in Kirkwall. Korzara had been planning on bringing Bethany and Anders with her on the Deep Roads Expedition, but for some unknown reason she had cold feet the moment her mother came to the two of them. She had looked at me - desperate - as she explained to her sister that it was better for her to stay in Kirkwall. I still don't know if it was awareness of a possible future, of if she was just scared of losing her sister, but I agreed to accompany her and that damned mage into the Deep Roads.

Maker knows why.

When Bartrand locked us in the Primeval Thaig, Varric had been cussing his name up and down the room, Anders seemed as if he would faint at any moment, and I... I was claustrophobic within moments. Being trapped under so many tons of unyielding stone... Just stepping foot into the Deep Roads had been near impossible for me. I am an elf, nature born into my blood from eons ago. Korzara, however, simply calmed the three of us down - men older than her - and lead us through the thaig bravely. She fought and defeated everything in her way, even the strange Profane creatures. When we reached the biggest of the Profane, I never saw her confidence waver. Even as she was wounded, her confidence was rock-solid. What must have been half of her body was burnt, and she still dragged Varric out of the line of fire, taking the brunt of the attacks.

The smile never left her lips, the light never left her eyes, as Anders healed her, berating her for jumping into the line of fire so readily. We made it back to Kirkwall fine. It was a week before I saw her again...

It seemed like Bethany's being taken to the Circle broke something in Korzara. It wasn't glaringly noticable, but it was in the way she carried herself, in her smile, always in her eyes. She hated the Templars for taking her sister, and I asked myself many times if I could continue working with a woman I knew would side with that damned mage, Anders.

I stayed, nevertheless.

Through all the troubles, through all the quests, through everything, she kept that smile on her face. Even when I left her - the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life-, she was joking. The next day, the smile was still there, but I knew she was hurt in the way she almost unconsciously recoiled from my presence whenever I went near her. I could see the distrust in her eyes. It hurt. It hurt almost as much as the lyrium being branded into my skin...

When she lost her mother, she broke down. I visited her estate to find Bodahn, Orana, Sandal, and her mabari, Firlaf, cowering outside the mansion door. Bodahn explained she had come home in a right state, but had then begun destroying anything she could get her hands on. I dared her wrath that night. My rewards were a black eye, a few broken ribs, a sprained wrist, and a trampled foot. I calmed her before she could destroy her mother's room.

Korzara had been in the doorway, dagger held tightly in white-knuckled fingers. I'd only caught a glimpse of a tidy lavender room and the moonlight shining almost mockingly on the white lilies on the dresser by the window. I had dragged Hawke out of there and barricaded the door with my body. She punched, kicked, screamed, cursed - everything she could to get into that room. She finally glared at me so fiercely, I almost feared for my life, but she simply turned and strode into her room, slamming her door behind her with finality.

Yet again, the smile was on her lips the next day. Everyone knew it was for our sakes. Her smile did not reach her eyes anymore.

When the battle with the Qunari finally peaked, Korzara and the rest of us were in the thick of it. Isabela, in a rare moment of guilt, returned with the Tome of Koslun. I could see the relief on Korza's features when the Arishok admitted they could now return to Par Vollen, but upon hearing they would have Isabela, her eyes grew ice cold as she refused to let the thief go.

The Arishok challenged her to a duel, to which she agreed much to our fear. I was the last she spoke to before the fight. She looked as if she had no clue what to say, so it fell to me... I hugged her, drew her tightly to my lyrium-branded body despite the pain, and rested my forehead in that mess she called her hair.

_"Please... be careful, Korza..."_

When she pulled away, it seemed that a little of the light I had seen upon our first meeting had returned at my words. Perhaps she had sensed my worry, or the remaining love I held for her. Perhaps it gave her a strength she had not been able to claim for some time. Korzara simply nodded at my words, resting her hand upon mine, before turning to meet the Arishok's challenge.


End file.
